Machinations of Memories Suppressed | Anastassiia Alexander

Una Maquina de Olvido

Anastassiia Alexander

…
Y seguí sentada,
mientras la magia se nos moría,
en su silencio,
en su olvido.
Y en otra vida yo descubriría
que el corazón me latía
al tiempo de Siguiriya.
…

…
And I remained seated,
watching our magic die,
in his silence,
in his mind.
And in another life and another time,
I would come to find,
it was the Siguiriya rhythm
that has pierced my heart.

…

the machinations of memories suppressed

One-dancer play

Reconstructing memories, this performance is a seamless dance between past and present, dynamically exploring how our recollections shape our identities and influence our current experiences.

This piece is a reflective interpretation of my poem, “Una Máquina de Olvido” (An Oblivion Machine). The poem examines the concept of choosing to forget the past as a way to cope with heartbreak and explores the potential consequences of this choice. Through its verses, it intertwines several questions with the dance, challenging the reliability of our memories. How do our memories shape our identities? How do moments—a movement, a sound, an object—influence our present experiences? How do we remember the emotional impact of an event even when the details may fade?

In this solo performance, the dance is fragmented and reassembled using live-recorded sound loops, blending past and present steps to create and relive a new narrative.

Photo: Tyler Baker Photography

Credits
Original idea and interpretation: Anastassiia Alexander
Dramaturg (2022): Cristina Hall (Sevilla, Spain)
Dramaturg (2025): Graham McKelvie (Calgary, Canada)

• Original concept developed during an Artist-in-Residency at Good Women Dance Collective (Edmonton, AB) in September 2020.
• Refined into a full-length production during a three-month residency at Hojas de Té Flamenco Center (Mexico City, MX) from June to August 2022.
• Commissioned for and premiered at the Vancouver International Flamenco Festival in September 2022.
• Remounted and restructured for presentation at High Performance Rodeo in January 2025 (Calgary, AB).

Performances
High Performance Rodeo 2025
January 22, 2025 • 12:00 pm
ProArts at Noon, Cathedral Church of the Redeemer, Calgary, AB

Vancouver International Flamenco Festival 2022
September 22, 2022 • 8:00 pm
Waterfront Theatre, Vancouver, BC

Work-in-progress showing
October 9, 2020 • Good Women Dance Collective
Edmonton, AB

Tarantella
Original composition by Jonathan Lewis and Ricardo Sánchez
July, 2019

Photography by Tyler Baker
September 2020

UNA MAQUINA DE OLVIDO
Anastassiia Alexander
2018

Abrí la puerta.
Entré.
Con el alma partida,
con el corazón en la garganta,
que fuertemente latía.

Me senté.
Los boletos estaban sobre la mesa.
Miré la fecha.
Le pregunté como le fue,-
Bien, – me dijo.
Un viaje que me había prometido
mientras el corazón le latía.

Le pregunté si había ido solo,
contesto que sí, impasible.
Pero yo sabía que era una mentira.
Porque aún estando solos en nuestra realidad fría
llevamos un grano en nuestro corazón
de otra vida,
una esencia,
esa presencia,
que nos acompaña de noche y de día.
Y yo sabía que no me llevo a mi,
porque yo ya me había ido,
con el corazón que me latía
por su mentira.

Me trajo un regalo.
Una prenda quizás bonita,
en un color que no era mío,
como una promesa mas,
acumulada,
adulterada,
pensamiento perdido,
intención que no tenía sentido,
porque no era yo para quien su corazón latía.

Y seguí sentada,
mientras la magia se nos moría,
en su silencio,
en su olvido.
Y en otra vida yo descubriría
que el corazón me latía
al tiempo de Siguiriya.

Al final de ese día
sacudí las sombras,
para no guardar rencores
entre las plantas
y las fotografías,
entre sus ángeles
de pesadillas.
Deje las llaves sobre la mesa
y salí tranquila,
porque yo no lloro – yo grito,
cuando su silencio me lastima,
cuando las lagrimas invisibles me ahogan,
cuando mi piel se me quema partida.

Y si estoy sonriendo,
como saben si por dentro
no me esta matando ese veneno,
que corre por las venas,
de una mentira
podrida,
falsedad
desabrida,
y que me estoy muriendo
al tiempo de Siguiriya.

Y así, me había ido,
sin un futuro prometido,
el principio de una vida,
de una libertad adquirida
por falta de compromisos;
sin pensar que volvería,
porque yo no vuelvo – yo muero,
sin pensar en los recuerdos,
sin guardar el duelo.
Que importa que mas tarde,
en los meses que seguirían,
se arrepentiría,
porque la verdad –
es que el corazón ya no me latía.

Pero resulta, que el dolor nos persigue…
Aunque el amor se olvida.
Y así, la vida sigue,
porque yo soy quien me olvida.
Quien se pondrá al lado mío,
para seguir el camino
de los boletos
y de los retos,
de las promesas
y las sorpresas,
de viajes hasta el fin del infinito.

Porque a mi corazón no hay quien le pare el latido.

Porque yo soy, una maquina de olvido.

AN OBLIVION MACHINE
Anastassiia Alexander
Translation 2025

Open the door.
Enter.
With my soul split,
With my heartbeat
Hammering it’s way through my throat.

Sit down.
The tickets are on the table.
Look at the date,
Ask him how it went,-
“Great”, –
The journey he had promised me to take,
While his heart was beating yet.

And I had to know.
If he’d gone alone.
Yes, – he said impassively,
Though I knew, it could not be true.
And it is because,
While we live alone in the icy-cold reality
Of our own morality, In our hearts we carry a seed
Of another life, another heartbeat.
That essence,
The presence,
That accompanies us at the daylight
And the dead of night.
And I knew it then, he did not take me,
For I have already slipped away,
With his lie still pounding on,
Like a second heart beside my own.

He brought me a gift.
A garment, that was really fine,
In a color that was not mine,
Like one more promise,
Accumulated,
Adulterated,
A thought
That got lost,
An intention
Without direction,
Because it was no longer I
Who made his heart beat.

And I remained seated,
Watching our magic die,
In his silence,
In his oblivion.
And in another life,
And another time,
I would come to find,
That it was to Siguiriya rhythm
That my heart aligned.

By the nightfall of that endless day
I shook the shadows
So no grief could stay, –
Between the plants
And the photographs,
Between his angels
Made of nightmare and rust.
I placed the keys on the table,
And left as softly as I could.
Because I do not cry, – I scream inside,
When his silence cuts through me,
When the invisible tears drown me unseen,
When my skin
Burns bright, fragmented, torn within.

And if you see me smiling,
How would you know
That deep down, in my guts,
I’m not dying
From the poison
That’s running through my veins
Of that lie –
Rotten,
Maybe forgotten,
Insipid and false,
Our private farce,
And that I’m disappearing
To the siguiriya relentless pulse.

And just like that, I was gone.
With no future promised,
The beginning of a life
Of an acquired freedom
For lack of ties.
Because I do not return,
Because I simply die,
Without keeping the memories,
Without collecting regrets.
And it doesn’t really matter,
If later,
In the following few months,
He’d regret it.
Because the truth is
I would honestly forget it.

But it turns out, that the pain still follows us,
Even when the love is forgotten,
And the life keeps moving on
While I am the one who forgets myself.
Who will stand with me,
By my side,
To follow this path
Of the challenges and tickets,
Of all the wonders and commitments,
Of the roads stretching far beyond possibility,
And the journeys leading to the end of infinity.

Because to my heart there is no one to stop the beat.

Because I am an Oblivion Machine.